I find it useful to think of shame as the experience we are left with when we reach out in distress to an expected source of comfort or containment only to have that source of comfort or containment reject us, either by turning away (neglect) or punishing us for having expressed our need (persecution). Then we are left not only with the original distress but also with the experience of being left rejected and uncontained in our distress.
Afterwardsness In A Group
I was reminded this evening (in one of the psychotherapy groups I conduct) how helpful I find Freud’s concept “Nachträglichkeit”. This is translated in the English Standard Edition as ‘Deferred Action” but Laplanche more helpfully translates it as “apres-coup” or “afterwardsness”.